Glad that was on the List

What would I have done had I left the market without a job. And a lemon and some chicken.

You know....

...you can totally can that stuff yourself for free.

All You Need to Know

Is it possible....

to completely misspell almost every item on the list?

Can and did.

Didn't even make a valid attempt at "worcestershire".

Filet

Isn't it a weird looking word when you see it written so many times.....filet.....

3 1/2?

If you can't tell by the scan, this one's on a piece of rolling paper.

Thanks Seth.

Time to Make the Drugs...

Mom's Embarrassing Note

I ONLY EAT EQUAL EXCHANGE!

Oh Whole Foods.... Only there would I find a list like this...

Oooo aaaa....

pppp.

Some Unconventional Ingredients

And Don't Forget...

...to kiss the Bobos, and to hug Lil the thrill.

I'm Sorry Kids

"This year we won't be having Mama's famous noodle kugel. I lost her age-old recipe, passed down from mother to daughter for generations."

The Children begin to cry.

Dad pounds his fist on the dining room table and shouts,

"Dammit Charlene!"

Dad storms out of the room knocking a vase to the floor on his way out.

Charlene buries her face in her hands and begins to sob uncontrollably.

Dinner was ruined.

A Winning Team

Leading the community in serious power suits, and helmet hair.

DON'T FORGET THE GODDAMN BASIL

You know what happens when you do....

A Cell is Round

And I don't care that Diane called.

Old School Anorexia

Thank you Sarah and Eighn! This one is crazy. And old.

Child Psycho Goes to the Grocery Store.

I NEED 3 Plumbers and 502 cups. Got my facial already though.

They Were Promptly Arrested.

You'll have to find that ingredient in an alleyway somewhere.

The Cupboards Were Empty

I feel bad for the cashier on this one.

Another Stellar Speller

Thanks Malibu.

"Moving Ideas"

And two carbon atoms in the mozzarella and the goat.

Thanks Ashley.

Maam, I Think You Must be Mistaken.

We keep the T.Vs at the meat counter.

Irreverent Paper

Thanks Joe

Does This Look Like a McDonalds?

Disgusting.

What Will She Say to SHARON?

Without her pre-planned conversational hot points, how will the phone call play out? Static. Dead air.

So Straight. So Organized.

Yet still can't spell tomato.

Dad's Hat

This one came directly at me down the conveyor belt. Thanks kid. I hope you remembered dad's hat.

Control Freak

It sounds delicious, up until the whole cornflakes and toothpaste deal.

Life Dreams.

The life goals of a total weirdo.

Rim Man?

OHH! Cars! Ellis should probably re-think his motto.

Only the Holiest for My Lips.

Someone must be trying to rid themselves of sin.

We Got a Drinker.

Is Vodka spelled with a "W", a "Q" or a "V"? Fuck, I'll use em all.

I Would Otherwise Forget

Only the necessities.

The Mystery Item!

A surprise! With cupcakes and ice cream already on the list, what could the mystery be? Something shameful I assume? She did write I<3 I at the end. At least she's confident.

I've Always Been Curious. What IS a "Good Poo?"

This is definitely one of my personal favorites. A neurotic, self-deprecating individual writes down her thoughts and carelessly leaves them in a hand-basket. Thank God.

Do I Really Need Calcium?

Nope, but pork chops and eggs are a must-have.

The First List

At Whole Foods Market, there isn't much to do in the way of entertainment. When it all seemed useless and futile, I found a list. Ever since the first one, I became obsessed with keeping every grocery list that I find. My apron is constantly bursting with scraps of paper. My coworkers have begun giving me the ones that they find. I figured I should put them to use. This blog has been a long time coming. I hope you enjoy.

-ahh

I believe that this is the list that started it all. I'm not sure what a "Dof" is, but I think he's hungry.